My name is Shivaram Kumar and after two and a half decades of working with people from every conceivable race, religion, ethnicity, language, nationality and orientation, empowering them with self-belief and confidence, my wife Anjali and I know for sure that words make all the difference. The words we listen to, and the words we speak.
The aim with this blog is to make people aware of the power of words, because once we know how to surround and program ourselves with the right words, we can collectively increase self-esteem in society. Looking forward to get with you on our exciting journey called life and benefit from our stories and experiences.
Let my words play a small positive role in your world.
My Recent Book
Just Stitious
“Son, based on your history and background, you should never wear any jewelry with black onyx”, said Anjali’s uncle to me, soon after we were married.
I have been a rebel all my life, questioning beliefs that made no sense to me. But I have unwittingly paid heed to uncle’s suggestion, mostly because I didn’t know what black onyx was, and I had no particular desire to find out.
In India, religious, cultural, traditional and superstitious beliefs are intertwined, and it is often hard to tell them apart. Many people believe that Tuesday is the best day to fast, whereas others choose Friday, or any other day. From movie stars to street hawkers, people carry talismans, amulets and other objects to protect them from evil or to attract certain energies. In one blockbuster movie, the hero, a dock worker, learns from his friend that the number on his metal badge had special protective powers. During his meteoric rise as a world class smuggler, the badge does protect him, once by stopping a bullet aimed at his heart. At the end of the movie, during a hot pursuit, the badge jumps out of his pocket and falls out of his reach. In trying to recover it, he loses time. A minute later he gets shot and killed by his own cop brother. So, was it losing the badge, or the delay in trying to retrieve it, that prevented his escape?
Superstitions can be benign, but could also create fear and destroy faith. A black cat is simply trying to get to the other side. A mirror gives in to gravity.However, an expectation is like a seed in our minds. It can cause paranoia and bring about negative situations. It is not the cat, it is the negative belief in the cat’s movement. On the other hand, if kissing a ring increases an athlete’s positive belief, it can be empowering.
Hanging lemons and green chillies, is believed to ward off the evil eye. In India, you will find these on entry doors or as ornaments hanging from rear-view mirrors. Knocking on wood, keeping fingers crossed, crosses and garlic, rabbit’s foot are all examples of keeping evil at bay or attracting good luck.
Many “gurus” prescribe actions to bring about a desired outcome. Recently, on TV, I saw one of them strongly suggesting to a believer that if he wore a brown jacket and ate chickpeas for twenty-one days, his daughter would finally find a suitor.
This is not limited to India and eastern countries. Last night as we were driving out of the Chelsea section of Manhattan, we saw a huge line of people waiting to see a Psychic for portents and prescriptions.
Every now and then, people ask me if I believe in Astrology, Fengshui, Vaastu or Psychics. I have learned to choose my arguments, so I respond as follows-
“I respect astrology (or Fengshui, etc). My problem is with the astrologer. What if he is right 90% of the time and I end up in his 10%?”
Many beliefs can be detrimental if people use them as crutches or excuses. A few years ago, someone told me the he had discovered that his business was not growing because of bad Feng Shui advice from a consultant. To which, I said-
“Look, no matter which direction your commode is facing, if you don’t do the work, nothing is going to happen”
Recently our youngest daughter Ritika asked me if I was superstitious. I immediately responded – “Not at all!”. It was a trick question. Our second daughter, Tarika, was two rooms away at the time, but her keen ears miss very little of what is said in the entirety of 5500 sq.ft that surround her, no matter how engrossed she may be in her school work.
“Of course you are” she chimed in. Then the two of them spelled it out for me-
“You taught us to give and receive things with our right hand. You always add one dollar when you give money as a gift (like $51 , $101 , $1001 etc). You taught us not to step over books and to refrain from whistling after sunset”.
Ok, so I am not perfectly non-superstitious. In my defense, I don’t think anyone is perfectly anything. I must say, however, that my benign superstitions are not driven by paranoia. I feel they are habits, more than anything else, with some exceptions. Stepping over books or people, is a matter of respect and tradition. Offering to remove shoes while entering a home is not a far eastern superstition, it is a matter of hygiene.
“A benign superstition is one that does not promote fear, or impose upon others”, I said to my girls. If I accidentally step on a book, I don’t expect an act of revenge from God. A quick apology to no one in particular and a quick prayer resolves the matter.
“But Dad, when you and Mom are asking us not to whistle at night, are you not imposing….? ”
Oh, darn!
After some debate, we coined the word stitious to describe ourselves, because we are not Super-stitious!
Blog Bites
One of my main motivations to start this blog is to highlight the connection between words, beliefs and self-esteem. On another post I have said that lack of self-esteem is a major epidemic that the world faces today.
Superstitions can be harmless, and sometimes fun and even empowering, but they can hurt the core of someone’s belief in themselves and goodness in general. They can be very self-destructive.
Fear and paranoia are enemies of self-esteem. Anything that encourages these feelings is best left alone.
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Hawaiian names are often energetic alliterations, rhythmic and happy. The state fish is called Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. It is also the name of a restaurant at The Grand Wailea Hotel in Maui…. Continue Reading →
17 Responses to “Just Stitious”
Great post, good message + humor, really enjoyed reading it! It’s amazing how much our beliefs govern our reality.
Thank you for your great words. There is so much to learn in every post you share. Thank you.
Thanks for tirelessly writing Kumar, it is helping us and I am sure many others.
Completely agree on fear part, I have seen people offering prayers to motorbike before kick starting it, etc – on observing statistically such individuals, my conclusion is that they generally suffer from lack of control on events happening in their lives. This is because they lack understanding of connection between their thoughts and things manifesting in their lives.
Kumar a good blog – we all bring of our share of charms, superstition, beliefs, or myths. Some have reasons that are explainable like leaving the shoes outside the door or avoiding the crossing over out of respect. I am sure the others for which we don’t have an answer probably had a right answer at some point in time but got lost and our parents who did not have the luxury of questioning their parents but imposed these beliefs, superstition or myths on us. Having grown up in India we still took it with some skepticism but for sure our kids won’t do that.
Thanks for sharing
Am glad I found someone, who found a word “Benign Superstition”
I have always been a rebel in my family, as far as the superstions are concerned. I have experimented it many times with the Cat especially..broken mirrors at home..and washing hair on certain days.
Realized that some were existing in the primitive ages due to lack of amenities.
But many of them carries no significance with the evolution of mankind.
To Summarize, Thanks Kumar..for putting it with simple relatable analogy.
Excellent, Kumar. The world is plagued with superstition. My own personal experience has been that if anyone predicts good news about my future, and I believe it with intensity, it manifests! Without fail. So when I meet folks who claim that they can suggest what’s in store in the future, I tell them do tell me all good news.. because even if you were wrong in your prediction, I have enough sub conscious resources to make it true.. But don’t tell me the bad news.. because even if you were wrong in your prediction this time around, I would still have the same resources to make your prediction right.. The philosophy that always works…. Dream big, be happy, work hard and be grateful for what is already available.. And in trying times, lets trust the almighty to protect and provide…. (In other words – superstition borders around lack of faith in divine intervention). Shankar Devraj at the Conrad Hotel in Bali. Thank you Kumar!!!
Thank you Kumar. It is indeed worth reading ad understanding the difference. Thank you
Great post and good summary of many the superstitions that exist today in our culture.
Thank you Kumar!
#JustStitious
Awesome Story! Thank you very much Kumar for sharing! I also showed my mother and she enjoyed it!
Kumar what you shared is so inspiring in many ways and it just amazes me your writing skills are so phenomenal simple yet strong and compelling to read and keep the reader engrossed. Cant wait to read the book on Bill Britt.
Thank you for continuing to stretch our conventional thought process and building new dreams every day.
Agreed , Kumar with your thought process
THATASTU (So Be It).
Basically it’s what one wants to believe as true. If that belief is empowering in a +VE then it’s ok, as long as one does NOT try to impose that state of Belief onto others (it’s personal & should be kept so). Love & Light.
Kumar, supertitions were always something that I argued with my parents and grandparents on.
Many superstitions as we know them today, perhaps had germinated years ago as acts with a reason. But over decades and decades, God fearing people as we are, have lost the reason but just remember the act. For example, girls not going in the kitchen or praying during their periodic cycles is still prevalent in Various parts of India, but perhaps they had started off with intention of giving rest to the body and not working extra when already the body was working extra. But now what remains is just the mutilated act!!
Absolutely agree with you Kumar, great summary of the many superstitions that exist today in our culture and even we don’t know the reality and fact. it always works Dreaming big , feeling joyful, and great full for what we have today.
Great post Kumar. It’s one thing to realize something but to be to articulate it in words is definitely an art.
Dear Sir,
Thanx for this awesome awesome blog.
Yes, here in India beliefs, myths etc are just imposed on us by elders and to them also. We are imposed to follow those beliefs without reasoning. From my personal expreince most of them have no any specific reason to believe in those myths as i tried many times with my elders. What i come to know that people are coward rather than believing in self.
Super blog on self-esteem with very simple practical reasons.
Hi Kumar (uncle)
I think that what you believe in is what you are and what manifests in your life. As an athlete self belief has proven to beat superstions head on and I have experienced this alot. So in the wise words of some gentleman “just believe “. Anyways, your blog really cleared a doubt in my head.