Charity – From Gong to Giving

Have you ever heard of The Gong Show? In the 70s and 80s, it was a televised contest between performers ranging from dubious to amateur. Each contestant had 3 minutes, and any one of three judges could strike a huge Gong in plain sight to interrupt a performance and disqualify the contestant.

I played a South Indian classical percussion instrument called the Mridangam. I am not sure if it was my talent, or that the judges were too intrigued by its exotic appearance and sound, but I prevailed without getting “Gonged”.

Ok, so mine wasn’t a televised show. It was organized in Piscataway, NJ, by Bellcore (now Telcordia Technologies) to raise money for the United Way  organization.  I was relatively new in the country and wasn’t involved in any charitable giving. As a matter of fact, I felt like I should have been on the other end of giving.

I won second place, a cash prize of $150.00. I distinctly remembered as the winners lined up on stage, that the #1 lady and the #3 guy generously donated their winnings to the collections that evening.  $150 was a considerable amount, and despite the pressure I felt from what I perceived to be a room full of judges waiting to strike the gong in unison, I stood my ground and kept the money.

Since then I have had the privilege of associating with people who give generously of their time and money. Kanti Gala is a great example. He and his wife Lata are always in the giving mode, to individuals in need as well as institutions. I owe the immense satisfaction that comes with unconditional giving to this couple.

Today Anjali & I support Britt Worldwide Charities, a 501 C3 organization which donates over 95% of its collection to worthwhile causes. We support Easter Seals, The U.S Dream Academy, St. Jude’s Hospital and other organizations.

In an earlier post, Tender Tantram, I have talked about unconditional giving, paying forward, expecting nothing in return. However, that does not take away from people who do get something  when they give, like a tax deduction, or a service in return. Some people argue that helping friends and family does not constitute “giving”. I cannot disagree more. In fact, I have to admit that giving to a deserving, known individual is often more satisfying than institutional charity, because you can experience its impact immediately.

Indira Baayi worked at my home in India for over four decades.She would come twice daily to our home to  sweep the floor ,wash the dishes and help my mother in the kitchen. A few years ago, my mother noticed that she no longer had the stamina to work. Baayi and thousands of others like her have no pension plan. As a family, we decided that she would retire, but we would make sure that she continued to receive her full salary every month. We maintained that until Baayi passed away just recently. We are also taking care of  the school fees for another long term, loyal employee’s child.

We can start small. One way is to pay a tip to  people who are not expecting it, like the gas station attendant (especially when it is cold) , the mailman or the garbage truck driver. We can take the time to appreciate people that serve us, like the bellman and the cab driver. We should make it a point not to ignore the little envelopes in hotel rooms with the housekeepers’ names on them.

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There are stigmas, doctrines and sometimes guilt attached to giving. One ideology teaches not to be attached to the money we give. Give, it says, without concern for how it is used. Another point of view encourages stewardship – to make sure that the donation is used the proper way. Then there are religious doctrines that mandate a certain minimum portion of your income or net worth be given away. When people are unable or unwilling to meet that number, they decide not to give at all!

I once heard a wise man say “The action is invalid if the attitude is incorrect”.

What matters more than amounts and attachments is the spirit and the attitude of the giver.