Just Stitious
“Son, based on your history and background, you should never wear any jewelry with black onyx”, said Anjali’s uncle to me, soon after we were married.
I have been a rebel all my life, questioning beliefs that made no sense to me. But I have unwittingly paid heed to uncle’s suggestion, mostly because I didn’t know what black onyx was, and I had no particular desire to find out.
In India, religious, cultural, traditional and superstitious beliefs are intertwined, and it is often hard to tell them apart. Many people believe that Tuesday is the best day to fast, whereas others choose Friday, or any other day. From movie stars to street hawkers, people carry talismans, amulets and other objects to protect them from evil or to attract certain energies. In one blockbuster movie, the hero, a dock worker, learns from his friend that the number on his metal badge had special protective powers. During his meteoric rise as a world class smuggler, the badge does protect him, once by stopping a bullet aimed at his heart. At the end of the movie, during a hot pursuit, the badge jumps out of his pocket and falls out of his reach. In trying to recover it, he loses time. A minute later he gets shot and killed by his own cop brother. So, was it losing the badge, or the delay in trying to retrieve it, that prevented his escape?
Superstitions can be benign, but could also create fear and destroy faith. A black cat is simply trying to get to the other side. A mirror gives in to gravity.However, an expectation is like a seed in our minds. It can cause paranoia and bring about negative situations. It is not the cat, it is the negative belief in the cat’s movement. On the other hand, if kissing a ring increases an athlete’s positive belief, it can be empowering.
Hanging lemons and green chillies, is believed to ward off the evil eye. In India, you will find these on entry doors or as ornaments hanging from rear-view mirrors. Knocking on wood, keeping fingers crossed, crosses and garlic, rabbit’s foot are all examples of keeping evil at bay or attracting good luck.
Many “gurus” prescribe actions to bring about a desired outcome. Recently, on TV, I saw one of them strongly suggesting to a believer that if he wore a brown jacket and ate chickpeas for twenty-one days, his daughter would finally find a suitor.
This is not limited to India and eastern countries. Last night as we were driving out of the Chelsea section of Manhattan, we saw a huge line of people waiting to see a Psychic for portents and prescriptions.
Every now and then, people ask me if I believe in Astrology, Fengshui, Vaastu or Psychics. I have learned to choose my arguments, so I respond as follows-
“I respect astrology (or Fengshui, etc). My problem is with the astrologer. What if he is right 90% of the time and I end up in his 10%?”
Many beliefs can be detrimental if people use them as crutches or excuses. A few years ago, someone told me the he had discovered that his business was not growing because of bad Feng Shui advice from a consultant. To which, I said-
“Look, no matter which direction your commode is facing, if you don’t do the work, nothing is going to happen”
Recently our youngest daughter Ritika asked me if I was superstitious. I immediately responded – “Not at all!”. It was a trick question. Our second daughter, Tarika, was two rooms away at the time, but her keen ears miss very little of what is said in the entirety of 5500 sq.ft that surround her, no matter how engrossed she may be in her school work.
“Of course you are” she chimed in. Then the two of them spelled it out for me-
“You taught us to give and receive things with our right hand. You always add one dollar when you give money as a gift (like $51 , $101 , $1001 etc). You taught us not to step over books and to refrain from whistling after sunset”.
Ok, so I am not perfectly non-superstitious. In my defense, I don’t think anyone is perfectly anything. I must say, however, that my benign superstitions are not driven by paranoia. I feel they are habits, more than anything else, with some exceptions. Stepping over books or people, is a matter of respect and tradition. Offering to remove shoes while entering a home is not a far eastern superstition, it is a matter of hygiene.
“A benign superstition is one that does not promote fear, or impose upon others”, I said to my girls. If I accidentally step on a book, I don’t expect an act of revenge from God. A quick apology to no one in particular and a quick prayer resolves the matter.
“But Dad, when you and Mom are asking us not to whistle at night, are you not imposing….? ”
Oh, darn!
After some debate, we coined the word stitious to describe ourselves, because we are not Super-stitious!
Blog Bites
One of my main motivations to start this blog is to highlight the connection between words, beliefs and self-esteem. On another post I have said that lack of self-esteem is a major epidemic that the world faces today.
Superstitions can be harmless, and sometimes fun and even empowering, but they can hurt the core of someone’s belief in themselves and goodness in general. They can be very self-destructive.
Fear and paranoia are enemies of self-esteem. Anything that encourages these feelings is best left alone.